Here I Go!

I remember growing up my parents would go and take me and my siblings to Mass with them. I remember there was essentially a list of things we weren't allowed to do, among them:

- crossing your legs

- wearing hats

- reading during Mass

- playing my gameboy color

- playing with my hands

- talking to my family during Mass

- asking "too many" questions during Mass

- going to the bathroom

Now that last one was allowed, it was just only allowed during specific times like before it began, or when people went up to receive the eucharist, and after the priest ended Mass and exited the Church. 

Now you can probably see reasons for a child not to want to go to Mass, but the truth is that I actually liked going. To me it was more like something that just happened and I went to. I didn't understand why we went, I didn't know I could ask questions so I didn't. It wasn't till I got into High School that I actually felt like I wasn't learning anything there so why should I go? 

That's where things became a little tricky... when I asked to stay home, my parents denied me that right. The way they saw it, it was a my duty to go to Mass every week and if I refused to go I wouldn't get my allowance. 

I started resenting having to go and I remember being really resentful towards my Father because he never went with us, he had the day off, yet he was above this duty and would stay home and watch the Football game (real Football not touchdown Football). 

Now, I don't remember the exact age I was when I stopped going to Mass altogether but I did stay away from it for over 2 years. 

I had lost my way and a lot of that is my own fault, family issues arose and I was in a relationship with a person who was Atheist. I wasn't getting inspired, I didn't even notice that I was missing something, that's how lost I had become.

It wasn't till about a year ago that I finally went back to a Church and realized how far I'd veered off. To begin with, I went to this new Church reluctantly with my older sister. I went to get her to stop asking me to go, so essentially to shut her up. How ironic is it that it's now me that asks her if she wants to go with me? 

I came out of that Church with my heart overflowing with a sense of peace. A peace that I hadn't had in a long time. I honestly have to thank the Pastor because his sermon impacted me in a way that I never thought was possible. I felt like I belonged and I felt like I was understood. My favorite thing that the Pastor said was "Listen if you're here and you don't believe in God, if you're not sure who Jesus Christ is, if you're just here to see what this is all about, that's  okay. You don't have to know, that's what we're here for" 

God doesn't want to force you do anything you don't want to do. 

That's why he gave us free will. He wants you to seek the truth and I believe that God is truth so if you seek for truth, inevitably you will find him. 

This is my journey to truth.